Limbo Summer

Apologies for those coming here in search of updates on AOK. I haven't had much time or energy to write recently. Football season has been gearing up (starts tonight!) and so work has become more demanding. I've also been trying feverishly to get our band's new collection of songs recorded before I'm on constant diaper duty. (The album will be ready in October. It's five songs that are obliquely about the experience we had this summer.) I've not been sleeping well and therefore my mind has been too cloudy to formulate thoughts for this blog.

It's been a frustrating set of weeks since my last post. Alex has been fine, health-wise, but has been unable to take that final step which would allow the doctors to send him home. He was taken out of his isolette several times but was unable to hold his temperature. This caused him to lose weight and earned him a trip right back into his box. He was switched to ad lib feeding (meaning he is fed whenever he shows signs of being hungry) but after gobbling up way too much milk right away he vomited quite prolifically and his conservatie docs restricted his food again. Subsequently he didn't gain any weight for an entire week. It was like time stopped completely for me and Kris and it seemed like we might be coming to the NICU for the rest of our lives to visit our miniature baby who refuses to grow.

Melodramatic? Yes, but your mind does funny things to you in the NICU. We seen dozens of babys and parents come and go while we feel temporally suspended. The din of the monitors and alarms doesn't even register anymore. During AOKs first few days in the hospital, the sound of his dsat alarm would paralyze me with anxiety and send me running out of the room. Now it barely even merits a raised eyebrow. Of course I have learned that it is a common alarm and doesn't mean the boy's heart has stopped or anything like that. But I have become densensitized, which might be a handything given that they tell us AO will have an apnea monitor on him when he does come home. I wish I could convey to you how loud this thing is.

STOP THE PRESSES! Kris just sent me a text saying that Alex is getting his car seat test today and if he passes it, he will be coming home this weekend! The seat test just monitors him while he sits in a car seat for an hour to make sure it doesn't restrict his breathing or cause any cardiac trouble. This is the final stage of our insane journey. We have stared in longing jealousy at AO's baby neighbors while they underwent the test, knowing that it meant their happy parents would soon be bringing their child home. I can't believe this is happening to us finally. Give me some time to process this. I will post more when I know what's going on.

Could this be it? The end of one long road and the beginning of a much, MUCH longer one? The mind reels. To be continued...