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Kris was discharged from the hospital yesterday, and we were able to take some comfort in spending our second wedding anniversary together at home instead of the maternity ward, which was becoming increasingly tiresome. The sight and sounds of all those moms with their normal, healthy births, happily nursing their crying newborns was beginning to make us extremely sad and, at leaat for me, was starting to inspire some ugly feelings of jealousy and resentment towards these innocent happy moms.

So it's good to be home. Kris is recovering well and is of course pushing herself harder than she probably should be since she is an unstoppable force of nature. At home, it was nice to have visits from some friends to chat, share a beer and listen to music. Special thanks goes out to to our wonderful friends Megan, Daylen, Stacey, Ruth, Dana and Syd, who brought us some fine cheeses (Kris has been unable to eat brie for months), wine, and an entire anniversary dinner that we enjoyed in our backyard. It was a much needed moment of peace. Later on, our neighbors brought us even more food. I think I will be able to put back on alll the weight I've lost these past few weeks.

It is nice to be able to fall asleep with Kris next me again. But for some reason, when we first wake up the pain of our situation is so strong we spend part of the morning crying together. As the day progresses we become calmer and more at peace. I remember this same pattern happening when my mother was sick and after she died. It's almost like you have to remember all over again each morning what you are going through.

We are about to head to CHOP to visit with Nick. Kris has yet to see him other than when they held him up right after he was born. It is not going to be an easy visit. I am sure we will have a serious talk with the docs about what is going on. He has been having seizures again. Very soon we will have to make a decision about whether to continue him on life support. In our hearts, we know the right thing to do. We will have to find strength to make this decision and hope that we will eventually be at peace with it.

I will try to post more about Alex after we visit him today. He has been doing well. He was on medicine to close up a hole from his lung to his aorta called a PDA (a common thing for preemies) and we should know how well the medicine worked today. If it worked well, he will be able to start feeding on tiny amounts of Kris' milk. And soon, we will be able to hold him. When he is stable, we will begin practicing kangaroo care. This is the process of holding your baby skin-to-skin and it is extremely beneficial to the baby's development. More on this later.

Thanks again for everything, friends.