One Step Forward, 1.7 Steps Back

It's funny how medicine can dole out hope and dread in equal alternating amounts on an almost weekly basis. There's almost no way to maintain a level head. When a diagnosis is not positive, I anxiously await that next visit that can provide some amount of hope, but I mostly just fear that things will worsen. And after a bit of good news, when I'm hopeful, I fear that next test that could snatch away my brief respite of happiness. It's enough to turn my remaining brown hairs white.

Last week we had good news: the lesion had not grown and Mr. A's CVR was at a nice, low-risk 1.3. If the cysts stayed the same size at today's ultrasound, we'd be somewhat in the clear and could resume a normal monitoring of the pregnancy. Sigh. Well, as you may have guessed, this is not the case.

The mass is indeed larger this week, and the CVR has grown to an eyebrow-raising 1.7 to 1.9. This places our little guy above that risk threshold for the time being (1.6 being the number that they start to worry about hydrops or heart failure or other delightful mysteries of the womb.) Things are OK though: right now there is no sign of any heart failure or hydrops and both bros seem happy and otherwise healthy.

So this means we will continue our weekly pleasantries at CHOP. As I've said, the course these CCAMS usually take is that they start to stabilize and stop growing around week 28. So we just have to wait and hope that we can make it to that point and beyond without complications. That is four weeks from now, and it seems like goddamn forever. And there's nothing to do about it other than convince ourselves that it all will be OK in the end. And watch my hairs turn gray.